Let’s Talk About It - I’m in another book!

Thought I’d post the great news that a new book specifically designed for young adults with cancer will soon be available.  Earlier this year I was asked to write about how I was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer by Darren Neuberger. He’s the “guru” in charge of putting this book together. It was his idea and I think it’s a GREAT one. I wish I’d had something like this to read when I was diagnosed. Because my situation was so unique I didn’t even realize til many years later that I had been relatively alone as far as having cancer connections who were close to  my age. In fact it wasn’t until a conference in Toronto in 2007 that I realized I had been feeling so alone for seven years. It was a Canadian conference for young women with breast cancer and I recall standing in the ballroom in the middle of the first night’s party. I could turn in a complete circle and everywhere all I saw were young women. VERY YOUNG women. It was such an enlightening but also a saddening realization that I came to that night. Not only had I been alone for 7 years battling metastatic breast cancer, but I saw just how many young women are getting breast cancer. I swear every girl in that room looked like she was in her 20’s! I felt helpless and sad that so many beautiful young women were having their bodies disfigured, mangled, and ravaged by breast cancer - mostly by the treatments FOR breast cancer. Seeing traces of scars everywhere really got to me. Maybe it got to me so much because I didn’t have the kind of disfiguring scars that others have. I’d had a lumpectomy where only the lump had been removed from my breast and the area it had been removed from didn’t cause that much of a change in my outward (clothed!) physical appearance. If I look really closely I can see that one breast is a lot bigger than the other and I can really tell when I try on a shirt that has horizontal lines! Everything is normal until you hit the visual line of the boobs….then it wows and curves in wonky ways and the lines aren’t even close to being straight I had felt that every time I looked  in the mirror all I saw were scars. Holes in my forehead from the halo; a scar at the base of my throat from the neck surgery; a scar on my breast from the lumpectomy; and a scar on my hip where they took a bone graft for fixing my neck. When I saw hints of the scars that other women had at that conference it really affected me. I felt such empathy for them. I was sad. That’s the best way to put it. It really made me sad. Sad that so many young women ARE getting breast cancer and that they are having to go through losing one or both breasts. Even having reconstruction can involve taking skin grafts from other areas of your body so you get ANOTHER scar! I was sad but I also saw sheer joy that night and throughout the weekend. There were a couple of parties in the main ballroom of the hotel where the conference was, and you could look around and see a ton of young women having FUN! They might have had breast cancer or were going through treatment, but dammit they were having fun. There were smiles everywhere, laughter, hugs, dancing and exchanging phone numbers and email addresses. Meeting someone “just like you” can change your life.

At that conference in Toronto I met a young woman quite by accident. I was in a workshop that turned out to be something totally different than what I envisioned. Funny that I chose the word “envisioned” because we had to “visualize our future self” and find out “what our future self told us”. I was not in the mood for this kind of workshop and when we were told to pair up with the person next to us and share what our “future self” had told us I thought “Oh…..shit”. I looked at the girl to my right. She looked at me, and I said “Sorry but I”m not into this”. Turns out she wasn’t digging the workshop either! We started asking each other questions about ourselves and within seconds we found out that we were both diagnosed metastatic at the age of 35, were both Her2+ and we both had thought we were gonna die because of breast cancer. I was much further along in my cancer battle than she was. In fact I think she was still going through chemo or just about finished. It was the last workshop of the day and we stayed and sat in that room for over an hour afterward sharing our story with each other. I had finally met someone like me, and so had she. I wish I’d been able to meet someone years ago, but this young woman came into my life at just the right time. She came into my life when SHE NEEDED ME. She saw that you are able to live with metastatic breast cancer, and you’re able to live for a long time. Until she met me, she thought she was not going to be around for much longer. When she saw what Herceptin had done for me it gave her hope. Hope is the most powerful gift we can give to others who are going through a cancer experience. We need hope to see that WE CAN GET THROUGH IT. Everything IS going to be ok. If she can do it, so can I. My new friend tells me that day changed the way she looked at her cancer diagnosis. Her husband even emailed me off my website to tell me what a difference I had made. Wow. I really did help someone, and you know what? She helped me too. Even though she was in the early stages of her cancer experience she had a diagnosis similar to mine and was the same age I was at diagnosis. I had NEVER met anyone that even came close until that conference. She tells me she didn’t really feel like going to the conference that day. It was her wedding anniversary and she didn’t feel like dealing with more cancer “stuff” but her husband said to her “You never know…you might be sitting next to someone just like you.” And there I was. Sitting right next to her. I still get goosebumps when I tell that story. It was meant to be that we would meet. Maybe we did fit in with that wacky workshop after all because she may have seen her “future self” in ME, and realized that she was going to be just fine. It was like she was able to breathe again. The air had no longer been sucked out of her like a cancer diagnosis often leaves you feeling.

We’ve since travelled together to other conferences and we keep in touch with email. It was such a gift that I found her that day. She’s given me just as much as I gave her, and that’s why this new book will be valuable to young people diagnosed with cancer. There are stories from all ages about many different cancer diagnoses and I’m sure that it will make a difference in the lives of many other young men and women when they read the stories, and perhaps, find someone “just like them”. Maybe they’ll get their breath back. Maybe they’ll get the kick in the pants they need to pick themselves up and keep on fighting. There’s a lot of “maybes” but it is FOR SURE that many will be positively affected by this book. It should be available in a month or so. The information on where you can get your copy is posted below

The book is called “Let’s Talk About It - Inspiring Stories from Young Adult Cancer Survivors” and it was compiled by Darren Neuberger. My face is one of many on the cover, and my story is inside along with 39 others from all walks of life and cancer diagnoses. Here’s where you can find out more: http://letstalkaboutit.viviti.com/ and order your copy!