Chemo Cycle 1: days 14 - 20

Day 14 -  Up at 8am (which is like torture for me) and off to dentist. I tell him all my medical B.S. that’s happened in the last few months and we both can’t help but laugh. Everything is happening at once…what a time to break a tooth too! He is able to grind the sharp edges til they are smoother as it’s just some enamel that’s come off. We will fix in a better manner once I’m free and clear to have dental work, which likely isn’t until after all the chemo is done. He gives me a prescription for Zovirax for my cold sore,  another prescription in case I get really bad mouth sores and have problems eating. I also make off with 2 super soft toothbrushes and purchase a special rinse (Chlorhexadine) to help in my mouth care regime. Dr. Raj saves the day! I go fill the Zovirax right away and slather it on in the car.

I talk to my nurse in the afternoon and learn that my counts are LOW. My white cells are 1.3 and my neutrophils are 0.2. Neutrophils help fight off infection. At this level I can not fight anything off. That explains the cold sore.

Had mom’s homemade turkey soup for supper which seems odd on a 28 degree Celsius day, but it’s mom’s homemade turkey soup and I can’t resist. Once again I feel normal today except for the cold sore and the chunk of missing tooth!

Got an email this afternoon that has me in shock. My friend Olga Stefaniuk passed away yesterday. She was diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 42 in the mid 80’s and has been fighting a recurrence for the last 3 or 4 years. She is THE sweetest woman on the face of the planet and I am sad that she’s gone. I’m in shock too because I didn’t know she was that ill. I’d just got an email from her less than 2 weeks ago. I spend the rest of the day remembering how many friends I’ve lost to this disease. Many who were doing just fine and then die within a year. I hope I’m not the next one, but am scared I might be - although the rational side of me knows that my condition is not as bad as what I’ve seen friends go through. I’ve got a long way to go yet before I have to worry about being part of the list that this year already has three women I knew on it: Chandra Dattani, Mary Gilliland and now Olga Stefaniuk.

We BBQ for supper and I boil corn on the cob. Because I’m trying to take care of my teeth and gums I cut the corn off the cob. Not quite as satisfying, but still tastes good. Have had a low grade headache for the majority of the day. I wonder if this means my hair will be falling out soon or if I just need to eat more.  I spend evening on the couch and cancel a visit with a friend.

Day 15 - Another day of appointments. Today I see two oncologists and then go to the hospital for an infusion to keep my bones strong (have been doing this every 4 weeks for the last 9+ years). The only parking spot I can find is the furthest from the Cancer Centre as I could possibly be, and I find my heart rate is extremely high during the walk.  I stop, grab a railing and stand there until I can catch my breath. Another side effect of the chemo…can cause a rapid heartbeat. I have been feeling it happen a few times but there is no rhyme or reason. I meet with both oncologists and discover that the tumor in the liver has grown in the last couple of months. I’m not upset or surprised, as I assumed that something would have grown or something new may have shown up in that time frame. I know we’re doing the right thing by blasting me with chemo. I must kill this beast that is invading my body.

My neck is sore and I still have a headache, plus I’m in desperate need of fiber or SOMETHING to help regulate “the system”.  For some reason my gums are sore and hurt when I eat anything or brush my teeth. I’m hoping I burned them on the turkey soup yesterday and that it’s not the start of mouth sores.

I go to the hospital after the cancer centre and get hooked up to an I.V. machine for a one hour infusion. The nurses are hovering, making sure I’m ok and covering me with blankets. I have no reading material so I resort to a March edition of People that’s in their magazine rack and read about Jake and Vienna from the Bachelor. It’s then I realize I have something to look forward to! The Bachelorette starts on Monday!!! Watching reality TV helps me escape my own life and distracts me from it as well.

I think my hair is starting to come out. In the shower this morning there was more hair than usual in my hands after shampooing. Since I got my hair cut short there hasn’t been ANY hair in my hands after shampooing so I assume this is the start of it. I stick it all to the wall of the shower to see if it really is a lot of hair. Doesn’t look too bad, but am sure husband won’t appreciate my “wall art” in the shower J Several times throughout the day I try and see if hair will come out if I pull on it. I’m not overly successful . Maybe it’s not time yet. Here’s my “shower hair art”:

Day 16 - I am wakened this morning by Film-maker Phyllis at 10am. She informs me they have funding for a FULL LENGTH FEATURE FILM and want to come out and interview me sometime in the next month or so. This is the same film maker who interviewed me (in HD!) last summer for the documentary “About Her” that was released in November. (www.tellher2.com, then click on “The Documentary” to see the trailer). Getting out of bed is easy after news like this. I have something to look forward to! However, my mood slides a bit when I realize I have another damn medical appointment today. This time for a MUGA scan to test my heart. The Epirubicin can cause problems with the heart so we need a baseline of my heart function. The Herceptin I’ve been on can cause cardiac toxicity but I’ve never had problems with it in all this time. Because of the “heart issues” the chemo can cause, I am not getting the Herceptin while I’m on chemo. It would be way too hard on the heart. I worry about being off Herceptin for about four months, but I know this is the safest way to go through treatment.

By this time I am getting very sick of medical appointments, as I have one or more every day this week except Friday. My counts are low and I should be staying home, but I cannot miss these tests and appointments.  I go to nuclear medicine, have some blood taken which is then somehow made radioactive and then injected back into me in 30 minutes. I’m then immediately taken into a room and get to lie quietly while the machine scans my heart for ten minutes. I’m light-headed when I get up.  A chocolate milk is in order to perk me up (it’s cheaper than fruit juice at the hospital), and I sit down with it and my book and just relax for awhile before going back to the car. The hospital has made a LOT of money off me this week just in parking charges. Thank God the machines take Visa. I am down to a few quarters and there’s none in the bank account.

Rain started pounding down after supper so I curled up to read the mail. Was excited to see a card for me from my friend Sharon, so I save it for last. Am in shock when I see she has arranged for some Dinner Rush meals (and delivery!) for us, and am SO thankful. Many days I don’t eat much but the husband must still be fed. This will really help us a lot. If you have a friend going through a health challenge or a loss in the family this may be something you would like to do to help. It is GREATLY APPRECIATED, trust me. I can’t express how grateful we are for this.

My gums are sore again today and hurt when I eat or brush my teeth. My head also feels “funny”. It feels like I’ve had a ponytail in too tight or too long, but that isn’t possible because my hair is so short now. I recall other women telling me they had this feeling before losing their hair. I now know it’s definitely coming. Will the pillow be covered in gobs of hair in the morning?

I feel sad because I had to make the hard decision not to attend tonight’s prayers or tomorrow’s funeral for my friend Olga. Because my counts are so low I know I must stay away from large crowds of people. I don’t want to risk anything else. The cold sore, headache and “funny feeling” head are more than enough to contend with.

Day 17 - 19 - Finally I am able to sleep in. Got up at 1:30 and after eating breakfast I start to get the last of the camping stuff ready to go in the trailer. Still have a slight headache, and noticed a lot more hair coming out in the shower. When I brush it after, I literally feel hair falling onto my bare shoulders. I can even see it on my back in the mirror. I immediately put the clippers in with the camping stuff in the event I need to shave my head this weekend while camping.  Maybe the birds can use it in their nests.

It’s taking me awhile to eat food today. My gums are definitely sore, but they are not red so I’m hoping it’s not too serious.

I put the cat in the trailer before he catches on that we’re going somewhere and may be taking him. Last year when we’d start piling things up at the top of the stairs he would manage to go and hide. He loves travelling and camping once you get him OUT to the trailer. Cat immediately goes under the bed sheets and I wonder who will lose more hair this weekend – me or him?

Trip to campground straight into high winds sucks the gas quickly but we make it before dark and set up. The entire weekend is spent inside, like caged animals with the trailer shaking from the high winds. Rain pounds on the roof for the majority of Friday night and Saturday. Sunday morning at 4:30am I’m awake worrying the trailer may blow over or a tree may come through the roof or window. Are we having fun yet??! We “invite ourselves” to mom and dad’s for supper on Sunday and even get so bold as to order roast beef, potatoes and gravy and marshmallow salad. Mom goes the extra distance and bakes a peach pie for dessert. Everything is nice and soft, easy for me to eat and is the most food I’ve eaten in one sitting for several weeks. There’s nothing like mom’s home cooking to make me feel better. We leave with another care package of food and full bellies to watch the series finale of “Lost” in the trailer.

By Sunday, the cold sore is looking much better and healing well. Zovirax saves the day. My gums seem to feel better. Brushing my teeth and eating is much less painful .  The sun is back out and blue skies are showing as we arrive back at our campsite. The wind is even dying down. Seems like my mouth issues are clearing up just in time for the next chemo on Wednesday. Oh goody.

Day 20 - my gums are definitely not sore anymore and eating is much easier. My hair however is another issue. The back of my head (on both sides near the top) feels like every hair is twisted around and out of position. Over the weekend my head hurts when the wind blows my hair around. I walk around like a rapper with my hood up. I shower after supper and notice a LOT more hair is coming out. Even though I’ve gone through losing my hair before, I still can’t bring myself to shave it off just yet.

Cycle 2 is around the corner. Will the first ten days be as bad as last time? God I hope not.