Breast Fest is the BEST - let’s blog about it!

As I’m writing this I realize I should be in bed because I’m so exhausted, but after taking part in a writing seminar in Toronto this weekend I know I should write when I feel like it. And I feel like it now. Even though my body is crying out “Please take it easy on me lady!”. What a weekend. I can’t even begin to fully describe all the events and happenings in Toronto this weekend right now because I know I’d be writing all night or more likely - fall asleep in mid-blog in less than half an hour. I’ll write more in the next couple of days about the weekend’s events and experiences but first I just wanted to post that it was SURREAL to see myself on a massive movie screen IN A MOVIE. Holy shit. Un-f-ing believable. Dream come true! How many people can actually say they’ve been in a movie? Many of us aspire to be a famous actress or singer. If you read my previous posting you know that I certainly did. I can’t sing worth a shit but I do have a personality (so I’m told) that must be entertaining enough to be included in a piece of film that will make a difference in the lives of so many Her2+ breast cancer patients, and breast cancer fighters of all stripes (or should that be scars?).

It was a documentary so I was not acting, and it was only 16 mins long but I was IN it along with 4 other women who have been through experiences harder than what I’ve gone through even though I’m stage 4 and they may be an earlier stage. If you’re a mother try imagining this: breastfeeding your 4 month old baby til one hour before you start your first chemo. Then your baby can no longer breastfeed. What a rude, heartbreaking awakening for that baby and mother. But we do what we’ve gotta do as cancer patients and many times we don’t like it but we understand that we have to do it to survive and be there for the people we love, the children we have given birth to and want to be there for, over the course of a lifetime.

Imagine your husband having a brain tumor, and then finding out you have breast cancer - and you’ve got a toddler. I’d be insane. Tasha Engel has been in this situation and is the most bubbly, sweet, upbeat young woman I’ve met for the situations she’s had to go through over the years. You can find out more about Tasha and her husband by reading their blogs. www.tashaengel.blogspot.com and you’ll learn more about this courageous couple. Her husband Ryan has a blog as well…you can find a link to it directly from Tasha’s blog.

At the writing workshop I took in this weekend at the 2nd Annual Breast Fest Film Festival in Toronto (Ontario, Canada) the professional writer, writing coach and editor Jenna Kalinsky told us she searched for “breast cancer blogs” and got over 25 MILLION results. At first I though perhaps I shouldn’t even bother if there are so many, but Jenna was quick to point out that, and I quote, “There is always room for more”. People diagnosed with and affected by breast cancer have a hunger for information and want to know how others are dealing with their illness. They want information, and need to know they are not alone. If you find someone you can really relate to, or who affects you with their writing and their story then it’s worth it.

Jenna had us write two different pieces at the workshop. It was very quick, but man was it productive. After we finished we were put together in groups of 4 to read one of the things we’d written. I don’t know what happened in the other groups, but in my group all four of us were in tears as we read one of our writings. I cried as soon as the first young woman started reading what she’d written because she was brave enough to share at the start of the workshop that she had started writing initially when she was diagnosed. She sent an email to her friends letting them know she had breast cancer and that she’d be entering treatment & keeping them up to date with emails. She got responses from some of her so-called “friends” who told her she should NOT write about it. She stopped writing because of that and I’m sure it has damaged her. She’s now recovering because she’s been given back the freedom to express herself. She had been SET FREE and was free to express her emotions and her feelings. Writing is therapy. Good therapy. And it should never be stifled. Especially by those who are supposed to be your friends. I hope you run a LOT of pens dry or rub the letters off the keys! You know who you are

After attending the workshop with Jenna, I made a promise to myself that I would be better at blogging and writing in general. I will strive to write on a frequent basis and make the time to do it. Jeez I hope I keep my promise to myself! Life gets in the way, there’s always something on tv and there’s always something interesting on Facebook or just cruising the internet. You can spend hours watching videos on You Tube (I’ve done it). For me it’s great therapy because I can find things that make me laugh or smile and they’re mostly cat or other animal videos. But I generally don’t spend a lot of time on You Tube. Maybe I should. Maybe I should film myself and put it on You Tube. Several people told me that this weekend. They said I had such a great personality and I should put it out there.  The most encouraging was my niece who is a 34 year old film editor, working on major projects. The wonderful things she said about my personality and that I should put stuff on You Tube really got me thinking. But I have to think on that some more. Maybe I’ll start with putting my cat on there and gradually move up! My cat is a star in his own right on my Facebook page. He has his own albums and has a lot of followers, especially during the summer when he takes roadtrips with us. He is “Toonses the Driving Cat”. He’s got some excellent travel pictures on my FB page (2 years worth of travels!) but his best talent is what I taught him. He will roll over for Whiska’s Temptations. I tried to find a place to submit the video to Whiskas but didn’t have any luck. Who needs a fake video of a cat running through walls (special effects!!!) when you could have a cat who ROLLS OVER like a dog for his Whiskas?! My first goal is to get it to Ellen DeGeneres because she believes black and white cats are smarter than other cats and she’s right. Toonses is black and white. And he rolls over on command.

I’ve started a You Tube account, now I just gotta figure out how to upload my video. Maybe I’ll find the guts to put myself on there. Maybe I won’t. But I will be doing more writing. It may not be here on the blog, as personal journalling isn’t for you to read. It’s for ME, and only me. Therapy to help me continue to deal with what living with metastatic breast cancer brings me. A place to get the scary thoughts out of my head by writing them down and setting them free. Maybe even writing about my battle with this disease. How about a book? Is it possible? I said at our first Radio Marathon in 200o that I was thinking about writing a book about my breast cancer story. I’m still thinking. I have, however, done a lot of journalling over the course of 9 years. Most of it when I was going through chemo and having problems getting sad scary thoughts out of my head at night. I couldn’t shut down my brain and go to sleep so I would write out what I was thinking on the computer to get it out of me so I could hopefully go back to sleep. I wish I’d kept a journal the entire time I was going through this because it would reveal so much to me now…9 years post diagnosis with a fading memory. However, Jenna in the writing workshop said that writing gets our cerebral cortex really firing. Maybe I can help my memory in the process?!

Look for posts on the quick writings I did at the writers workshop here in the near future, and I’m also going to post an article of mine that was published in the local paper in a special breast cancer edition. It’s actually the original article I wrote when I was asked to write a piece for Living Beyond Breast Cancer. They needed 550 words. My first draft was over 2,000. The paper used the first version after I’d edited it to my satisfaction. I guess I don’t have a problem writing something. I just have to make time, and that’s a new goal. Please email me and kick my ass if I don’t do it! I don’t even know if anyone reads this and it doesn’t really matter I guess. But, when I’m gone it will remain and that’s really attractive to someone like me who may not have much more time left.