BALD & being followed by a film crew

It seems like only yesterday I wrote a long-winded posting for my blog, but so much has happened in the last 10-15 days I’m not sure I can pack it all into one writing. You’d be here for days J

I just had my third cycle of Epirubicin this past week and it seems the side effects are happening quicker than they did the last 2 rounds. Everything seems to be happening a day sooner than it did before. I’m just starting to come down from my latest steroid “high” which once again included 4 days of being awake until 5 or 6am. Last night I got less than 8 hours sleep and it was interrupted several times (more on that inconvenience later) so tonight I will likely CRASH big-time and won’t come out of the fog until after 2pm tomorrow. Of course the weather is supposed to be sunny and warm on the days when this carcass is going to want to sleep all day. Crappity, crap, crap L. Grrrrrrr!

Ok, let’s go back in time to June 5^th where I last left off. I woke up that morning and all signs of the sore throat and cold I’d been experiencing were suddenly GONE….just like that.  Within a couple of days my nose is running non-stop again. I sometimes wonder if I have allergies, but I know the Epirubicin dries out your system so my eyes and nose are likely just extremely dry and that’s why I’m constantly dabbing my eyes and blowing my nose with three ply tissues. It’s so bad I’ve started a system: clean Kleenex in the right pocket of hoody; dirty used Kleenex in the left. Sometimes my pants pockets have the same system. That’s how much Kleenex I’m going through. I don’t feel sick, but my eyes and nose are running constantly.

I spend some time on the desktop computer and scan some old photos from the early years of the Lisa Rendall Golf Classic. I had the bright idea to do a slide show of photos from the last nine years for this year’s 10^th Annual LRGC and now the event is mere days away and I’m just getting the pictures organized. A procrastinator under pressure, I scan til the wee hours of the morning because I know my time will be tight for the next few days. A film crew is flying in from Toronto to follow me around for a couple of days and I need to get some things done before they arrive. Two of the crew will be staying at our place so I change sheets, get the spare rooms ready, and buy some junk food so we have some munchies to serve if we’re visiting late at night.

Sunday – yard day. The weather is nice and Husband and I spend several hours in the yard working at eradicating our disgusting weed situation. Its dandelions, thistles, chickweed, and tons of baby elm and maple trees that I curse more than the actual weeds. The vegetable garden is still too wet to rotor till and there’s a heavy crop of dill covering the majority of the garden. Now I’m kicking myself that I wandered through the garden like a dill fairy scattering the seeds in the fall as I cleaned up.

Monday – I go out in public for the first time since shaving my head. I feel good, we need groceries, and I figure I better get myself out of the house at some point or I may never be seen in public again. I go to Co-op, keep my head down, ignore everyone around me and get groceries. I have no idea if anyone stared at me because I didn’t look around. I wore my silky sleep scarf which has now become like a permanent part of my head. I didn’t think I’d like wearing a scarf on my head but I’m actually enjoying it and am not upset with the way it looks. I spend the night on the couch watching The Bachelorette (cringing with every stupid giggle from that girl who can’t seem to STOP giggling) and writing my speech for the golf tournament on Wednesday. My secret plan is to show up at the banquet, surprise everyone and do my speech in person. They all think I’ll be joining the banquet via Skype but I plan on invading the place and being there in person – only long enough to say a few words and immediately leave. The film crew arrives in town tonight and will be here tomorrow morning so I need to get the speech done beforehand or I won’t be able to concentrate.

Tuesday – I’m impressed that I can actually wake up and be dressed by 10am for the arrival of the film crew at 11. I even manage to wolf down my cereal before they get here and that’s a major feat because of the fibre content it has! Luckily the crew is running a bit late and arrives around noon and I’m thrown for a loop when I see two vehicles pull up in front and FOUR people get out. I never asked, but assumed there would only be two. One interviewer and one camera man because that’s all there was last year for the documentary. Then I recall there was a sound man in Calgary and I understand why there are three, but I’m not sure about the four of them until they’re all in the house and I realize I will be followed by 2 cameras, 1 sound guy with a big long fuzzy boom microphone, and the director. The equipment they haul in fills the entry way, the living room and the kitchen and I’m wondering if I got myself in over my head. All doubts fall away when I meet the two crew members I’ve never met before. Everyone is down to earth and we’re all comfortable with each other so this should be just fine.  Next thing I know I have a small microphone hiding inside the front of my shirt, two cameras literally on either side of my face and I’m putting on my makeup. I’m answering questions from the director and trying to concentrate on applying eyeliner while answering. I hope my menopausal brain doesn’t act up too much over the next two days. There’s nothing worse than losing your train of thought while being FILMED.

I have a podiatrist appointment and then later an appointment with my hair stylist to trim the bangs of my wigs, plus I need to buy a hat that doesn’t hurt the bristly hairs on my head. My hair literally hurts. I don’t let anyone rub the stubble because it is driving me crazy. I bought a new hat in Philadelphia at the Metastatic Breast Cancer Conference and had to sew it up in the back to make it smaller since losing my hair. Unfortunately I can’t wear it because it hurts my head, so I need a new hat that’s soft inside. I make plans for part of today’s outing with the film crew to be the search for a soft hat to cover my bald head so I can feel more confident in public.

I now understand just a portion of all the work that goes into making a film, whether it’s a short documentary or a longer film (which this one will be). The drive over to my podiatrist’s office consisted of a camera man and sound guy in my backseat, the director in front asking questions, me trying to drive and the backseat cameraman trying to get shots of me from crazy angles (plus the other camera man following us in another vehicle). The treatment room is small, so only the sound guy and one camera man come in with me to meet with my expert foot doc. While Doc digs under my big toe nails that are still affected from Taxotere treatments 10 years ago,  I almost burst out laughing when one of the fuzzy microphones attached to a camera is rubbing on the side of his face and he doesn’t even flinch. Turns out he’s a better actor than I am J. Next stop with the crew is the hair salon where I’m getting my wigs trimmed. On this portion of the trip, the crazy camera man sits in the front (no seatbelt) and practically wedges his butt between the front of the seat and the dash to film me as I’m driving. The other vehicle is still following us and I feel for a moment like this must be what it’s like when they’re filming The Amazing Race.

 

Broadway Avenue is our ultimate destination and we must have made quite a sight piling out of the vehicles with all that camera equipment, the big fuzzy boom mic and all of the crew following me. By the time I get into the salon, my stylist has already been set up with a mic pack like mine and one camera man and the sound guy are waiting for me to arrive. They film as I put on each wig and she trims them to suit me. The only time I’m challenged to feel natural is when the camera is blocking my view of the mirror and I have to try and pretend I’m looking at myself and the wig to see if I like the length of the bangs. My first instinct is to lean sideways to see past the camera to the mirror but I hold back and play along, hoping it looks real when I’m looking at the camera pretending I’m looking in a mirror. This is much harder than I thought it would be. How do you check out your hair when you can’t even see yourself in the lens of the camera that’s just a couple feet from your face?!

Next stop is “Hats & That” on Broadway to see if I can find a hat that’s comfortable. Luckily the store owner is ok with the film crew coming in with me and I get busy trying on hats and having a good laugh. The first hat I try on turns out to be “the one” but I’m reluctant to spend $34 on a small hat. I then realize that it’s worth it if I feel comfortable and even slightly attractive and whip out my debit card. The hat is now known as my 38 dollar hat (tax!) and I’ve got so many compliments on it that it’s definitely been worth it.

Our final stop on Broadway is Schmatta. I’ve heard they make T-shirts there and I want a special shirt that proclaims my theme “FYC” that I can wear to the golf tournament. One of the girls working in the store tells me her mom is in the hospital with metastatic breast cancer. It amazes me that I can walk into a store, talk to a young woman and discover that her mom is in a similar situation to me – in the same city. It doesn’t take me long to grab a black t-shirt, choose a font, and next thing I know my new FYC shirt is hot off the presses and ready for my surprise drop-in to the Lisa Rendall Golf Classic the next day.

We take a break from filming and shopping by stopping for lunch at the Broadway Cafe (Mmm Milkshake!) and then make our way over to 8^th Street and Jammeez so I can get a new pair of pyjamas. I’m travelling to Peterborough, Ontario to cheer on our dragon boat team Busting with Energy and am staying with my friend’s Mike and Donna. I figure I should have pj’s to shuffle around in while staying there, and while the film crew is staying at my place. Several of us get in the pj mood because they have such neat stuff there. One of the camera guys is particularly taken with the men’s one piece footed pj’s but the feet clearly aren’t made for real men with size 13 feet so he’s S.O.L. I’m happy though because I found some cute Hatley pj’s with bears on them.

 

It’s only my second day in public with my bald head, but I’m already used to it and feeling confident. I had no reason to think people were staring at me because I’m hairless, most likely they were staring at my “entourage”! We arrive back at home where my husband has arrived with pizza for supper, so we sit down with a couple bottles of vino and some cold beers to chow down and have a visit. After supper we do a sit-down interview in the kitchen and I cry as I answer some of the questions. It’s been a long day and my emotions easily come to the surface.

The day ends for me around 3:30am (technically the next day!) because I sit down at the computer at 10:30pm to put together the photo slide show for the golf tournament which starts a little over 6 hours after I finish burning the DVD. Luckily I can sleep til noon because I’d already made the difficult decision not to attend my golf tournament, and I don’t have to worry about the film crew because they’re going to film some of the action for the morning while I get some much needed sleep. The tournament has been going strong for nine years and I’m not able to be there for the tenth. I’m bummed, but know I have to do what’s best for my health and am able to get by knowing everyone will be surprised to see me show up at the banquet when they’re least expecting it. I’d rather be there for a few minutes to thank everyone and say a few words than miss it entirely – especially after ten years.