July 20, 2009 - my 9 year cancer anniversary

This day has come and gone, just like any other day…but I felt extra jubilant today because July 20th marks 9 years since I was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer. Metastatic means that the cancer spread from a lump in the breast to other areas of my body including the spine, ribs, pelvis, and liver. Those are just SOME of the areas my cancer has spread to.

It amazes me that for the last few years I’ve actually forgot the anniversary of my diagnosis! If it weren’t for a phone call from a life-long friend every year on July 20th, I would have forgotten entirely. This past weekend I was in Calgary for a quick trip to film an interview for a couple of upcoming projects for Rethink Breast Cancer, based out of Toronto. I met with Henry (ace camera man), Phyllis (interviewer extaordinaire) from Toronto, and Justin (sensational sound guy) from Calgary and was interviewed in HD (!!!!) for over 2 and a half hours. I’m amazed that Justin’s arms weren’t shaking after holding the boom mike for that long but that’s his job, and he does it well. I was really worried about the fact that I was being filmed in High Definition, but Henry quickly put me at ease and showed me what I looked like and it wasn’t as bad as I thought. Thankfully they put on a special lens which they fondly call “the lens that takes 10 years off” so I’m sure I’ll look a LOT better because of that one lens!

I don’t like the way I blink my eyes when I do film interviews. It seems like they blink really S-L-O-W. I have been thinking about it, and I think I do this because I’m THINKING about the answer and it comes out easier if my eyes are closed. Since I’ve gone through chemo and am in menopause (my chemo-meno-mind) I sometimes have difficulty remembering the question and I find I don’t lose my train of thought if I refrain from looking at the person who asked the question! I’m sure the people I’m talking to find it weird that I’m looking somewhere else and answering, but I get too easily distracted and lose my train of thought if I’m looking at them. If I get interrupted by them, another person, or something as simple as a sound….my entire train of thought is GONE. Estrogen is a very valuable commodity to the female brain. It helps our memory in ways we don’t understand until suddenly there’s no more estrogen. No estrogen equals a crappy memory!

So, I got in some shopping with my niece Saturday morning before the interview, and after the interview (and drinks & munchies) I met up with my best friend from childhood and went for Thai food with her and her husband before they took me to the airport for my late night flight back home.

I think that little mini trip was just what I needed to get me in the great frame of mind I had today for my “cancer-versary”. I got to stay in a funky hotel (Hotel Arts), eating cookies in my massive king sized bed while watching the huge plasma on the wall. I met some really fun people (the film crew) and I got to hang out and “look cool” at Raw Bar pool-side at Hotel Arts. Sun on my face, Sangria Blanco ice cold in a glass, fun group of people, and some tasty snacks while people watching and listening to the DJ mixing funky instrumental tunes. I could have swore I was in L.A. Miami or Vegas…but it was Calgary! And, spending time with my niece and best friend were the icing on the cake. thanks to my niece my luggage was quite a bit heavier as it was filled with goodies from Bath & Body Works!!

I flew home late Saturday night, spent the day putzing around home & yard, and was ready for today. We celebrated with fresh blueberries and strawberries on top of frozen vanilla yogurt when my husband came home for supper. I also may have had several episodes of un-reported chocolate eating that my husband doesn’t know about….but today I deserved it! It’s MY day. A day that I can choose to flash back and think about all the scary things that happened to me 9 years ago, or I can simply just enjoy the sun and wind on my face and the fact that I’m alive. I chose the latter. I went for a scenic drive along Spadina after supper, stopping to take some self-portraits. I decided I would take some pictures of myself on this monumental occasion so I can look back and say “that’s what I looked like after 9 years of living with incurable widespread breast cancer”.  I know I’ll look back and know that I also was very happy. Yes, you heard me right! I AM HAPPY. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been, even though I have cancer.

 I’ve learned a lot in the last 9 years and the most important lesson is that there are really only three things that matter in this life. They are:

1. you have food in your belly

2. you have a roof over your head

3. you have people who love you

Stuff and things don’t matter. Simply being alive and ENJOYING life with those you love is worth more than any amount of money.

My goal when I was diagnosed at the age of 35 was to make it to the age of 45. I’ll hit that magic mark in February and I hope to be around a lot longer. In fact, as of today my new goal is to make it to the age of 55. So, to my cancer I say F-You! I’m winning and I intend to keep on doing it as long as I can. Thanks to Herceptin I’m still here, living life to the fullest.