Self-therapy

One of the ways I’ve found to give “self-therapy” while battling incurable breast cancer is to find things to look forward to. If there are little events to look forward to, it makes the battle field a little easier to negotiate. Something I started a few years ago is my “IQJ” (Inspirational Quotes Journal). Often just picking it up and reading every page will breathe new life and hope into me. Some quotes and sayings give me strength when I need it. I’ve been known to rewind a TV show to write down what someone just said because it really “spoke” to me. Tonight I felt the need to read some of my favorite quotes and this one really stood out…

“It is hope that gives life meaning. And hope is based on the prospect of being able one day to turn the actual world into a possible one that looks better.”  Francois Jacob

Back from Dallas Y’all

What a weekend it’s been! Four of us girls headed down to Dallas, Texas to take in the 9th Annual Conference for Young Women Affected by Breast Cancer. The trip started out with a long flight delay (supposed to depart at 7:40am & finally left at 9am) which resulted in a missed connection. Luckily Denver is a MAJOR airport and we were able to get on another flight 1.5 hours after arriving. Just enough time for lunch! We were all exhausted after a very early morning and then the long day in airplanes & airports so we decided to eat in the hotel instead of taking the rental car out. We stayed at the conference host hotel The Hilton Anatole, which is a gorgeous HUGE hotel with over 1600 rooms. I’ve never been in a hotel that big before, but I assumed that if you’re in a Hilton hotel you’re getting the best. Wrong. We ate at the Mexican restaurant Thursday night and I should have known the prices for booze would be high when the waiter said they didn’t have a drink menu. He mentioned they have Margarita’s and I thought that’d taste absolutely yummy after the day I’d had. Luckily I had the nerve to ask how much the Margarita was. Would you believe they wanted $14 for a SINGLE Margarita?? It wasn’t even in a big glass! Yes, I admit I’m Scottish and I am cheap…but I’m on Long Term Disability and I can’t afford the frivolity of a $14 Margarita (which would be about 20 bucks Canadian!!). That 14 dollars would buy me a full meal at a restaurant outside the hotel. My room mates ordered a bottle of wine, despite it’s $40 price tag, and I enjoyed their excellent company over a pretty good meal. I had the daily special which included an appetizer, main course and dessert for $29.95. I thought that was the most reasonable option on the menu to get value for my money. I must say that my meal was the best of the meals ordered at our table. One room mate commented that Amigo’s here in Saskatoon makes better Mexican food than what she was served that night.

The conference itself was excellent and I met so many young women from as far away as Hawaii to all over the U.S. and Canada. But, for some reason I feel like I have to crab about The Hilton some more. You see, we were served a plated meal Saturday night. The salad was essentially a head of butter lettuce cut in half, with 2 slices of tomato and 2 slices of cucumber. Dressing was poured by the servers.  I gawked over to another table to see how large the main course was before I decided how much of my salad I should eat! It looked pretty small, so I ate the entire half-head of lettuce. The main course consisted of what we’re pretty sure were instant potatoes with a tasteless grilled chicken breast on top, and a small serving of steamed broccoli and carrots. As breast cancer warriors we want healthy food, but it doesn’t have to be tasteless to be healthy. Let’s just say the salt & pepper shakers got a work-out. The dessert was an excellent cheesecake. I should have just eaten 6 cheesecakes and forgot about the main course

There were three girls at our table who requested the vegetarian meal that was offered. Over 10 minutes after we were served our meal, their vegetarian meal was brought to them. I am SO glad this was not a Canadian hotel. I would have walked out with embarrassment. The vegetarian meal was a pile of the same potatoes that came with our meal and topped with the broccoli & carrot mixture. There may have been 2 snap peas thrown in for good measure. The mashed potatoes had been “piped” to LOOK like they were pasta!!! Is it just me or do you think it’s INSANE that a high class American hotel served vegetables on top of mashed potatoes??! In the time it took for them to bring these meals, the kitchen surely could have cooked up some pasta and made a light sauce. It was downright embarrassing that a hotel like that would think a meal like that was up to their standard of service and quality.

I don’t want this to sound like I’m complaining, because I’m not. I’m just wondering if this is “normal” for hotels in the U.S. when they serve large banquets? I was very lucky to attend this conference on a scholarship. The scholarship won’t come close to covering the expenses I incurred to attend but it’s more than worth it for the information and networking I get from it. There’s nothing quite like meeting other young women who understand what I’ve gone through. There was a lot of “therapy” provided throughout the weekend by the friends that came with me, and new friends I met along the way. For some reason the food at the Hilton just didn’t measure up. The conference is THE BEST I’ve ever been to and the sponsors put in a lot of money for it to happen. There really is no other place to meet young women with breast cancer, and to get the latest information, support and knowledge in one place. It’s just too bad that the food from Saturday night seemed to really stand out … and not in a good way.

I was extremely honored to be on a panel during one of the conference workshops. There were 5 of us who gave an overview of our breast cancer journey, and then discussed various topics and answered questions from the audience. The response from the audience after was just incredible! Women were coming up to me telling me that my story really hit home with them. I met a radio announcer from Hawaii (Aloha!), and one woman told me I should try stand-up comedy about breast cancer…she thought I was hilarious! I was just “being me” and I was enthralled with the stories of the other women on the panel. I was shocked that anyone came and talked to me afterward because the other girls on the panel had incredible stories and were so well-spoken. It was the first time the conference has done a panel and I’d say it was a huge success. We had never met each other until 15 minutes before the workshop, but we all just seemed to “gel” and before I knew it, we’d run out of time.

I was also excited to be interviewed on video at the conference. Metastatic women were asked to email if they were interested in being interviewed, and I immediately responded. I heard at the conference that over 100 women replied to that email and only 10 of us were chosen to be interviewed! There were two of us from Canada that I know of and it was an easy thing for me to do because I’ve been interviewed so many times on TV. We only had 20 minutes and I didn’t realize until we were done taping that I’d forgotten to even talk about being in a halo for 3 months! Ask me one question and I take off like a race horse til I run out of wind or lose my train of thought

I’ve been lucky enough to attend this conference for the last 2 years, but because of scholarship restrictions I will not be eligible to apply next year. However I have a goal set of being a speaker at the conference. I would love to tell my story at a workshop for metastatic women. Studies show that metastatic women want to hear stories of others. I’m a story teller and my story is very unique to say the least. I guarantee I can make them laugh and I can make them cry….now they just have to “want me”. I was sure to connect with the movers and shakers of the conference so maybe I’ll get my wish, hit my goal and be telling my story at the 10th annual conference when it will be my 10th year of living with metastatic breast cancer. Hope I’m still here then and that I get my wish.

It was great meeting all you girls! Hope to see you in Atlanta in 2010