Missing Warriors

 Well, this is definitely a post about LOSS. My husband came up with the name for my blog “Laughs, Loves & Losses” and I knew instantly it was the right name because I’ve had a lot of all three. In the last several months I’ve had a lot of losses, but two of them were especially hard to deal with. In September my friend Joanne lost her battle to breast cancer. Jo was only 39, with a husband and 8 year old son. They’ve had to go through a lot of “firsts” in the last few months….the first Christmas without mommy, the first New Year’s without mommy, first Valentine’s without mommy, and now mommy’s first birthday after she died. It breaks my heart and I can’t even begin to imagine everything her family has had to go through. Today is Joanne’s birthday. She would have been 40. I still remember the first day we met as if it were yesterday. Both of us hooked up to I.V. bags, getting our treatment. I spotted a pink ribbon on her purse and our friendship started. I went to see her in the hospital before she died and she was still fighting tooth and nail - she never gave up fighting.

In early January my friend Angie lost her battle with breast cancer at the young age of 32. I’ve never met anyone like Angie. That girl went to hell & back and kept right on smiling, and for the most part thinking positive and living her life to the fullest. She has set a great example for me, as I continue to live with this disease that has taken so many of my friends. I have to be honest and say that I still have not accepted the fact that she is gone. I’m just keeping the mind-set that she’s still here with me, which she is. What really hurts is that I can’t grab the phone and call her when I need her.  She was such a good listener, and even though she was going through pure hell she was concerned about me. That’s a true friend.

So many times I hear women bitching about getting older or not wanting to hit a “milestone” birthday and it makes me growl with irritation. For women like me, and Joanne & Angie….every single birthday is SO very important. When I was first diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer at the age of 35, I found out that the median survival rate for someone with cancer as widespread as mine was 2.5 years. All I wanted was to make it to another birthday, and then another….and maybe even make it to 45 (which is now only 1 year away). It’s been over 8 years since my diagnosis and even though I’m still here getting older & trying to make the best of living with incurable cancer I have lost so many friends to this disease. 

Sometimes I wonder if I should stop making friends with women who are metastatic like me. What if they die too? Why are all my friends dying and I’m still here? Why her and not me? There are so many questions when you deal with an incurable illness and there are no answers for them. Stuff happens. That’s just the way the cookie crumbles. It sounds so harsh, but it’s true. We can not control what happens and we can’t find the answers we so badly want, because there are none. Through all of the friends I’ve lost I’m still somehow able to believe that things happen for a reason and they always turn out the way they’re supposed to. Even though I am still so sad and angry from the loss of my two friends, I have to try and move on. I will continue to meet others who are dealing with metastatic breast cancer because even though so much pain has come from knowing so many women who have lost the battle, I’ve gained even more in joy, laughter, and friendship, and have been enriched by knowing them.

                                     ”Don’t walk in front of me, I may not follow.           

                                       Don’t walk behind me, I may not lead.

                                       Just walk beside me and be my friend.”

                                                                                  Soren Kierkegaard

Shauna Foster - the TRUE STORY

Some of you may have received an email over the last week or so regarding my friend & former co-worker Shauna. What you likely got had been altered in some way and was not true, or had been stretched via the gossip-grapevine! Shauna asked me to pass on the true story & information. Here’s the real deal:

Hi There,
 
Thank you everyone for thoughtful emails and calls during this nasty week. I never imagined sending a note to a few friends and family would escalate into such a huge email panic!    And because the note was written during a hasty, emotional time, I would like to clarify a few things. 
 
Saskatoon Police have been wonderful in educating us about money order fraud and web-related crimes in general and our case is in their very capable hands.  
 
Please don’t feel the need to be “scared”.  Just take my experience as a caution to always be careful.   Saskatoon Police will be chatting with the various news stations around town if you would like more information, I’m sure you’ll find it in the local newscasts.  W5 also has recently run an excellent program on various types of fraud. 
 
Just to be clear, the reason the money was deducted from our account is because when an incident of money order fraud occurs, banks have no choice but to turn to the client to reimburse that full amount. In our case, it was an awful lot, sad to say.  The “bad guys” didn’t gain access to our account and bleed us dry, we never gave out any account information, so please don’t be scared of that. 
 
It is unfortunate these fraudsters are getting so good at fakes.
 
Pls. forward this update to all your friends and family and hopefully we can move on from this. 
 
Thanks again everyone. There is no need to respond to this email. 
 
Shauna
 

The BEST birthday cake…

 As I celebrated my 44th birthday this weekend, a memory from my childhood came floating back, and it was all because of a birthday cake. Because I was born so close to Valentine’s my birthday cake usually consisted of brownies cut into the shape of a heart and iced with pink icing. As an adult I often still ask my mom to make my birthday cake just like she used to! This year I was very lucky to have three birthday cakes. A pan of brownies from a friend arrived Friday. Saturday’s family gathering featured a lemon angel food cake baked by mom. Saturday evening,  friends presented me with the crowning glory and highlight of the weekend - a cake - no, a work of art - from Sugartree Custom Cakes.

Upon seeing the cake from Sugartree I exclaimed that it was the best birthday cake I’d ever had, and then later I recalled a cake from my past that made me question if this 44th birthday cake was indeed the best cake or if it was the second best! Decisions, decisions. My Grandma and Grandpa Rendall were very special to me and the cake that has stood out for my entire life (until this weekend) was one they gave me when I was around 10 years old. My small town Saskatchewan eyes had never seen a sight as sweet as the cake they put before me at their house that year. It was a Barbie cake with a Barbie doll in the middle, and her huge ballgown skirt was the cake! I gazed at it wide-eyed while wearing my 1970’s crocheted vest and couldn’t imagine eating that doll’s dress. It was too special. I just wanted to look at it, not eat it. We somehow managed to get the cake home in one piece after an hour’s drive so I could show it to my friends and my other Grandma (whose birthday Iwas born on). I don’t even recall eating that cake, I just remember how beautiful it was to me. I loved everything Barbie and not only did I get a really special birthday cake, I got a doll from the center of it!

Until my birthday this weekend, that Barbie cake was my favorite - hands down. After an afternoon of visiting & then supper with my family (featuring the lemon angel food cake), my husband and I moved on to part two of the birthday celebration with friends.  I hadn’t cooked a turkey since before my cancer diagnosis over 8 years ago and I was ready to relax and have some laughs with friends. I was only expecting a nice visit with friends and was overwhelmed when they presented me with a box that simply said “Sugartree Custom Cakes”. I instinctively knew this was gonna be good! With mouth-watering anticipation I ripped away the scotch tape to lift the lid on SHEER HEAVEN! I’ve never seen a sight as beautiful as that cake, and the luscious chocolate scent that wafted out of the box only added to this moment that will forever be lodged in my memory. After taking numerous photos, we defaced it with candles and called the kids to come upstairs for cake. The reaction of the children to the cake was as excited as mine, so I got to relive the excitement again just watching their eyes bulge out of their heads when they saw it for the first time. A few candles & a version of “Happy Birthday” later, I was cutting the first slice and getting ready for the feast. Not only did the cake look & smell incredible, it tasted heavenly. We all moaned and groaned with happiness as we munched our way through each slice of divine decadence.

As I was laying in bed reviewing the events of the day I thought back to the Barbie cake and compared it to my Sugartree cake. Which one was best? I came to realize I didn’t really have to choose a favorite. My reaction to this fabulous birthday cake from my friends took me back to my delight as a young girl seeing a Barbie doll in a cake. Even at the age of 44 I can still be put in awe by a birthday cake. Something as simple as a birthday cake elevated my day to new heights. It also made me wonder if others get joy in simple things like this. Is it because I have incurable cancer and every birthday is such a huge reason to be thankful to be alive? Perhaps it’s because I’ve felt so much sadness in the last few months after losing two young friends to breast cancer. For some reason I’m still here to have birthday cake. I don’t know why it’s me and not them….no one knows. I’ve been in such a funk because of all the sadness and loss that has surrounded me, but something as simple as a very special birthday cake brought me out of my grief and back to the land of the living.  Funny how the sight and scent of a chocolate cake can pull me right back up onto my feet again. Thanks Jeanine, Shirley, and especially Jena at Sugartree Custom Cakes….it was a birthday I’ll always cherish.  email sugar_tree@live.com or call 291-3010.

A slice of HEAVEN

Cancelled Concerts

A friend recently drove over 5 hours from Edmonton to take in a concert of a long-time favorite musician. We were shocked to find upon arrival at the venue that the concert was “postponed due to illness” the day before the show.  She had tears in her eyes, a refund process still wasn’t figured out and it was almost 6pm on a Friday. If you live in, or have ever been to Saskatoon you know that you can NOT get into a Saskatoon restaurant at 6pm on almost any Friday or Saturday night. It was also payday for many people, which would mean that places would be extra busy. All I’ll say about the venue is that a meal was supposed to accompany the show, so we were left with no concert and no meal at 6pm on a Friday night. In this age of computer wizardry, don’t you think it would be possible for a concert venue to inform ticket purchasers that a show has been cancelled? They’ve got all your contact info including your phone number and your email address, so why can’t they send out a recorded phone message and/or an email to those whose contact information they have? Is that too much to ask? If my pharmacy can call me with a recorded message to let me know it’s time to renew a prescription, why couldn’t a concert venue line up the same thing? The technology is certainly there.

A simple email or phone call the day before the concert (which was when they knew it was cancelled) would have made a big difference in customer service AND perhaps saved a lot of money in gas for my friend to drive over 5 hours to a concert that wasn’t going to happen.

We made the best of it and were very lucky there was another concert that night (even from the same era!). So, instead of one act & a meal for $25 we had a meal for $14.99 and then paid $44.95 each to see a triple-bill of Headpins, Honeymoon Suite and Kenny Shields/Streetheart. It was an excellent show and concert but how often is there an alternate show in a city our size the same night?!

If you’re a computer programming expert, develop a system to sell to concert venues so they can notify ticket holders of a cancellation/postponement.  There wasn’t even notice in the daily newspaper of the cancellation. There’s got to be a better way.

At least I got to see Kenny Shields & sing along with every single tune at the top of my lungs, just like I did when I was in high school.